I’m feeling nostalgic right now.
I’m thinking back to when I first became an anime fan. Around the end of 2005, I was watching the Starz cable channel and discovered three anime series: Street Fighter II, Vandread and Mirage of Blaze.
I got hooked on the animation (and the yaoi in Mirage of Blaze). I began watching anime wherever I could find it streaming on the Internet.
In the early days, this included a website the URL for which was (no kidding) WatchNarutoEpisodesOnline.com. (Which I have to hope no longer exists.) Back then, I didn’t even know this was “illegal streaming.” I only had the faintest idea of what I was watching, this thing called “anime.” I just knew I wanted more of it.
My mind was blown by the sophisticated plots in some of the series, the extraordinary depth of characterization. The imagination and vision of the story’s creator.
As well as the sheer fun of stories about games I wasn’t even familiar with. But everyone can relate to having a dream like winning a Go tournament and beating one’s rival.
I became hooked on shonen anime. Absolutely couldn’t get enough of daring teenage heroes, colorful villains, unrealistic and outlandish—and shockingly thrilling—fight scenes.
I never thought I’d love a mecha anime. Never thought a mecha anime could make me cry, either.
I was wrong on both counts.
I’m happy to say that my tastes never changed. While I loved many genres and types of stories, I would always return to my first love: shonen.
And bishonen. Well, biseinen. ;-)
And those shows that defy a simple description. Except—you know that your life would’ve been deprived of something essential had you never watched them.
And... still more biseinen.
As a Japanese-American, one who had previously never related deeply to her heritage, anime led me to start taking Japanese lessons and learn about the country my grandparents had come from. It was the medium of anime, with its paranormal stories and biseinen characters and yaoi storylines that inspired my first m/m romance novel, Kaminishi.
I became a translation rewriter and freelance editor in the industry, working on the light novels for Code Geass, Gundam 00 and Eureka Seven for Bandai’s U.S. division. I edited light novels for Digital Manga Publishing. I was the copy editor for Tokyopop on over 40 manga books.
The winds of change can begin as a gentle breeze, not noticeable at first.
Anime for me was a complete obsession in the early years. I watched anime every day for hours, thought about the shows when I was at work. I couldn’t stop thinking about anime.
I started this blog six years ago this month, because I had to express what I felt about anime.
Ten years have passed.
And now, change has come.
It started sometime last year. For years, I’d attended anime conventions with enthusiasm, finding the shared energy from being with fellow fans invigorating. But going to cons started feeling more draining than exciting. (The disaster that was Anime Expo 2014 didn’t help.)
I still watched anime and looked forward to each new season of shows. But the near-obsession I'd had with the art form began to lessen.
I didn’t see it at first. On the outside, I watched new series, kept up this blog, continued my Japanese studies. But inside I began feeling distanced from anime.
It wasn’t my age. I was already middle-aged when I became an anime fan. I think my finding anime as an adult actually made me fall for it even more intensely. It wasn’t on TV when I was a kid. I had to come to it, discover it on my own. And anyway, after ten years of con going, I’d stopped feeling self-conscious at being older than most other fans.
But still, it was only this year that I realized change had finally come. If you read this blog, you’ve noticed my post frequency has dropped off recently. I’ve been busy, but I’ve had other busy periods numerous times in the past six years of this blog.
No, something else has happened.
It’s like an out-of-control bonfire has gone down to a healthy-size campfire. I am still an anime fan but I’ve turned a corner, a corner I guess all longtime fans hit at some point. The thing is—I didn’t know the corner would be there. So I’m surprised.
There have been a lot of good anime series in recent years. K and The Unlimited, and Kuroko’s Basketball, which is now reaching its climax. In three episodes, the anime will wrap up the manga story and come to an end.
I call myself a writer, but if I were trying to be dramatic here, I’ve failed since all of this is actually leading to an anticlimax. This blog isn’t ending.
It’s not ending, but as it reflects its writer, it will change going forward. I’m stopping the Supporting the Industry and Seiyuu Appreciation Day monthly posts. I’ll still write on those topics as the mood strikes, but I won’t be holding myself to a schedule.
I’m not sure what aspects of anime I will be posting on in future. If I had to guess, I’d say I’ll probably discuss what new series I’m watching, will post reviews of some shows, and the occasional con report.
I don’t know if one would call this burnout, or simply the stage of fandom that comes after the initial obsessive phase dies down. If it’s the latter, it’s been an amazing initial phase—ten years.
Anime has meant so much to me, and this inner shift is so unexpected, that I’m presently without the proper language to express where I’m at. So I’ll just conclude by saying—I still love anime, I’ll still be here, and this blog will still be here in some form or fashion as I find my way through this new ground.
Thanks—as always—for reading.
